Okay, in honor of my 29th birthday tomorrow I am writing a thirty before thirty list. I should’ve done this sooner in order to give me more time to cross things off my list but here goes:
1. Travel to another country. It can be Canada for all I care; just as long as I get to use my passport.
2. Sell a piece of my art. This would be really cool especially if it was one of the pieces I am proud of.
3. Display/ teach/ show off my journals. This is probably more of a self-esteem thing. I’d like to be able to inspire someone though to make an attempt at a long term journal habit.
4. New car. ‘nuf said
Bake a cheesecake. I love cheesecake and would like to make a really good one to share with friends.
6. Write more letters to people. This is kind of like journal writing for me, especially since I rarely get a response back.
7. Seek therapy and ask for what I need. It seems like no matter what the relationship I hardly ever ask for anything. I want to have at least one relationship where I can feel free to “make demands.”
8. Find and make use of a mentor. Not really sure about this one…something about encouragement on the professional and personal level.
9. Have more “honest” conversations with Mom and Aunt Elaine. I want to be able to tell Mom, especially, all of the things I’ve been afraid to tell her in the past. What makes me angry, what hurts, how I feel, and to ask her the questions I have been afraid to ask her.
10. Spend more time with Dad, just Dad, and to not feel like we’re not a part of his life anymore.
11. Wear a bikini in public. Erm…I guess this goes to confidence level and that I could probably count the number of times I have actually worn a bathing suit and felt comfortable on one hand, less than one hand.
12. Visit with Kate. That one friend that no matter how much time passes you can still get together and feel like it was only yesterday that you talked.
13. Get a cat. Unlikely but…to have that unconditional love all my own…to have it be my cat instead of sharing it with someone else and
worrying caring whether the cat prefers the other person over you.
14. Do something for myself that does not require buying or eating anything and truly enjoying it. I’ve always been so terribly hard on myself so “being nice” to myself has always seemed to entail buying something or attempting to buy something without feeling guilty or eating something “indulgent” while attempting to not feel guilty.
15. Learn to adequately grieve for the things that cannot be changed in the past. This is a big one for me. I know the whys and wherefores behind my childhood experiences, at least I think I do. What I need to do now in order to accept that they occurred and move on I need to learn how to grieve. I need to be able to accept more personal responsibility and not let the past define me anymore.
16. Wear more hats. I look good in hats but I rarely wear them out of the fear I’d look silly. I mean besides baseball caps and the “hat lady” customer at the grocery store, who wears hats anymore?
17. Go on a drive with no particular goal in mind even if it means staying overnight in a hotel somewhere. I want to go on an adventure like this, without ties, just seeing what the day or days bring.
18. Visit the sea. Water has soothed me and I have noticed it more in these last few years…or maybe even since living in an area where the beach was frequently a 2-3 hour drive.
19. Go on a cruise. Again unlikely but I could combine spending more time at the sea and visiting another country with this one.
20. Cut back on sugar. I have a sweet tooth and I know eventually all of my sweets will catch up with me.
21. Learn Origami. The story of the 1000 paper cranes has always attracted me and I feel drawn to the paper folding art.
22. Go back to the John C. Campbell Folk School. An indescribable place to someone who is craft, art, history, and community minded. The folk school is just a magical place where enthusiasm for one’s craft is embraced.
23. Do more with less. I’m tired of all of the extra purchases I seem to be making especially with my craft/ art stuff. I don’t need so many things to dabble in so many different crafts. When will I ever use up the supplies I have? And yet I continue to buy specialized art tools and supplies that will eventually just take up storage space. I should have a craft yard sale!
24. Enjoy/ spend more time in nature. (Twin Lakes) Nature=magic
25. Participate in more group activities. More and more recently I have noticed my strong desire to be part of a group, to experience a sense of belonging and more and more I have been reading about the beneficial effects of feeling a sense of belonging. I have
been felt alone for so long it is an energizing and joyous experience to feel as though one belongs somewhere. This is probably why I enjoy extended family get togethers so much. With family you don’t have to earn your way in. You are born to it or chosen; no one questions your membership.
26. Try to be neater/ more organized/ cleaner. It is difficult for me to put stuff in places. When I am using things like my art supplies or reading my text books or writing it is easier for me just to leave things where they lie so that they are right there when I need them again. After I number of days this leads to quite a mess.
27. Eat dinner at the table more instead of sitting down in front of the t.v. to watch the news. First I have to put away all of my art supplies that are currently occupying the table.
28. Eat more protein at dinner. Don’t rely on pastas and vegetables so much.
29. Use fewer hearts in my art and try to more specifically describe the thoughts and emotions I am trying to convey.
30. Budget money better. It is not like I go anywhere or do anything very often but all of those little insignificant purchases add up. It would help if I could figure out better things to take to work for lunch. Then I wouldn’t be buying so many unhealthy things while on break.