What does home feel like?

I first started living in this apartment in 2011.  At that time I was paying about $525 plus electric which was pretty reasonable in the summer months as I do not use my A/C for the most part.  Now the time has come to renew my lease again and they want me to pay $625 a month plus electric and water.  Generally this would put me close to the $700 mark, in a good month.  This puts a tight squeeze on my budget.  Most people would say this would be a good time to find a new place to live, especially since I’ve been hankering for a cat.  But the logistics involved in moving exhaust me just thinking about them, and that is not to mention the financial costs involved, which I can’t afford.  To top this off, my Aunt says I may need a roommate.  Most people would shrug and think “Well if I need a roommate, I need a roommate.”  The thought of a roommate makes me want to cry though.  When first read my Aunt’s email, that is what my first reaction was.  “Nooooooo!  Why?!”  I was tempted to write back, “I will NOT have a roommate.”  Instead, I sent a bland email simply telling her when I had to let the landlord know about my lease.

I feel like I don’t have the time, energy, or money, to coordinate a move.  It makes me anxious more than usual.  Trying to keep up with my current work load at work, which I need to do in order to pay my bills, and then trying to deal with a move on top of that…I want to cry.  I barely have the time and energy to keep my apartment in some kind of decent order.  I feel like I can barely settle in one place because of either financial or emotional reasons, and now I have to potentially deal with moving and not only that, moving into a place that is not completely my own?  I know what my Aunt says I should do, but what is right for me, what I want, is different.  I do not want a roommate.  And yet it is ridiculous to pay so much money for a rather unspectacular but serviceable apartment.  The part of me that knows I should do the senseable thing and find a more reasonably priced apartment is being overruled by the part of me that wants/needs to do the easy thing of staying put.


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