As the semester is more than half over I am considering what I have to do on a practical level to get ready to go back into Internship. That alone is daunting but I am also considering what has or has not changed since the abrupt end of my first Internship. I like to think I am in a better place with more perspective but really, if I were put back into the same situation I left would anything have really changed? I am not as sure. I still have this deep seated fear but again, I like to think it does not cloud my “vision” as much as it used to. And so I question, do I have the STUFF to become a counselor? Or am I one of those students mentioned in the article I linked to, who gravitated to the counseling profession/ program for personal help?…I can’t say for sure. Except I can’t shake or deny the interest and enthusiasm I had when I first encountered the description of my art therapy program, roughly four years ago now. I was intrigued and had a real belief that this future goal was within my reach and within my abilities. I was so excited to finally have a goal and a direction and a motivating inner force. The thought that I can do this was like… it was indescribable. Having a direction of my own was completely different than just doing things because it was expected of me. For the first time, this was something I wanted and something in which I believed .
And yet I still ask myself, am I one of those students my professors have an obligation to weed out of the profession? I am so earnest in my desire to learn and to help and to love the human condition that it hurts badly to think perhaps I am just not cut out for this. Yet this fear is countered by a strong belief that despite my fear, I can do this and I will do this. I am having trouble shaking this spasm of panic though.