I don’t know what this is called but maybe someone can help me.
One of the things I hate the most is being manipulated. I hate it when someone intentionally provokes me and then acts all smug afterward or during, if it causes a change in my behavior. I hate that, “See I told you you could do it.” People, at various points in my life, have said or implied things to the effect of I could be angry with them if it acts as a catalyst for change. Smug, condescending, and infuriating. “See I knew you could do it!” It pisses me off to no end. It’s not supportive and it feels like it places the people in better than/ less than positions. I don’t care if it is a means to an end. It pisses me off and it pisses me off to think that the person in the “better than” or provoking position expects that everything is made better by the fact that the person in the “less than” position achieved or performed or whatever, the expected/ needed behavior.
For example, I had a teacher once who expressly gave me permission to be angry at her and hate her if it allowed me to make necessary changes in my ways of approaching things. I remember learning to ride a bike and how Dad “celebrated” when I learned to ride without training wheels. I was so angry for some reason because I felt the celebration of such a silly stupid mundane task was condescending. I was stubborn and refused to ride my bike anymore that day. Like, celebrating learning to tie ones shoes. I mean really should we throw a party every day for getting dressed in the morning?! I don’t know what made me so sensitive to that kind of thing. I don’t know if it is even the same thing I mentioned earlier.