I found the reference to a ‘Smart Heavy’ to be very interesting. Recently I have been engaged in an art project where I have been trying to depict different aspects of my internal critic. For one of these I felt compelled to draw a “heavy” inflexible, enforcer, type of figure. The title of bouncer fits really well.
For me I have the opposite problem from yours. I am far too much in the thinking part of my brain and unfamiliar or even scared of my limbic brain. I have been on anti-depressants for around 2 years and I am wondering if by weening myself off of them I might remove some of the power behind my “Bouncer.” Before I can “get better” I need to be able to address the issues that bring me pain and I am wondering if my meds are preventing or hindering me from doing so.
I also found the reference to your ‘heavy’ as acting as a protector to your other peeps to be very interesting as my therapist and I talked about something similar during my last appointment. I addressed one aspect of my critic who proclaimed to be protecting me from being hurt. She protects me from anxiety and pain but as the same time causes those feelings in me. Anyway your reference resonated with me. I think many of us have aspects of ourselves that feel the need to protect “the rest of us.”